My mind is numb.
I cannot think.
Going to bed
Before I sink.
“If I’m not true to myself, I can’t be there for anyone else, either.”
These words from Todd Whitaker’s book The Ball really resonated with me today. My journal entries lately have included thoughts like,
“I need to focus on my calling.”
“I was born to teach.”
“I need to focus on myself.”
“I need to find my story.”
“I am a dreamer who has stopped dreaming.”
Which is probably why these words from the Todd Whitaker book jumped out and smacked me in the face. I miss the dreams that I used to have. I miss knowing exactly what I wanted. I miss the certainty I used to have about myself. Last week I committed to writing 50 blog entries as part of #Nerdlution. I am struggling to get these entries written every day, but I am thankful for the commitment because I know that writing everyday for 50 days is going to help me remember exactly who I am. It is going to help me be true to myself.
Today I celebrate community:
1. The community of runners that I am blessed to run with on Saturday mornings from October to May as part of the Tennessee State Park Running Tour. These amazing runners inspire me to keep going.
2. The Nerdlution community. I am so thankful that I saw their invitation to join a group of nerds who are dedicated to encouraging each other as they try to achieve individual goals.
3. The First Presbyterian Church community of believers who will worship with me tomorrow.
4. The Alpha Gamma Delta community of sisters at Austin Peay State University who I am blessed to advise. Those women are amazing. Being with them and hearing from them makes me want to be a better person.
5. The community of learners I am blessed to spend each weekday with. They make my job worth celebrating on a daily basis.
6. The community of bloggers who have written Celebration posts today. I am happy to have joined
I celebrate because being a member of each of these communities is a blessing.
I committed to blog everyday for 50 days. I did not say that the quality of the blog posts would be great. I have been writing in my journal. Words and thoughts are beginning to flow again, and ideas are beginning to prick at the edges of my brain even when my journal is not in hand. I can feel a change beginning to happen, but I am not quite ready to share the ideas and thoughts that are in my journal, so today I am going to just say a little about my commitment to #Nerdulation. It is only 5 days into round one (4 for me since I started a day late), and I can already tell this is going to be a life changing experience for me. I am writing again and seeing threads of thought join together on the pages of my journals. I am beginning to feel those thoughts nudge me. They want to be shared with the world. With the support that I feel from my fellow nerdulators, I know that I am going to overcome. I will overcome the hurts that I experienced years ago as a result of putting my thoughts on this blog for the world to see. I will be triumphant.
When I was a child, I watched my dad teach my brother how to use hammers and nails by giving him wood build a stepping stool and a toolbox.
My mom taught me how to sew by giving me fabric squares and guiding me through the steps to turn those squares into a pillow. The next thing I made was a doll.
My brother and I didn’t know all of the tools of the trade, but we were able to create something from what we did know, and in the process of creating we were able to learn what we needed to know about the tools that we were given.
When I return to the classroom in a few weeks, I hope to remember this lesson that my parents taught me. Show a child how to create something instead of how to use a tool.